I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
