Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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