The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
