new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
