Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize