I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
