im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
