whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
