This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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