Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Green mimosas i think yes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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