I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
