Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
