Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
