He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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