He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize