Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
