So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The air was thick with penises
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
