that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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