i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
