i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
