I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
