I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
babies were throwing up all over the place
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
