Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
