Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
