Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
