You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
