I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
