I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
