Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
