he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
