I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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