last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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