Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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