I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
3pm strippers are depressing
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
