Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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