I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
