1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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