If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is that a dick in a sweater?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
