why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
