The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
