mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
