it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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