Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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