I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
These tits shall not be calmed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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