Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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