i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
