I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
