your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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