So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
