peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
