I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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