I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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