had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
