honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
