my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
