no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
