hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
