Whod you bang
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
