I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
