drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so much tequila, so little girl.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
