sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
