Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
