Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize