I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
