Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
