apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
