he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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