plz talk dirty to me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then he tried to convert me to islam
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
