I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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