sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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