I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
