i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's get the cat blown out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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