as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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