Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
